At first, everyone was reading about humans. Maybe some people were reading about witches or Anne Rice vampires, but I didn’t know those people and that seemed VERY taboo. To me, anyway.
So I’m going around, reading books, thinking the most exciting thing a character can do is realize she’s secretly Princess of Genovia and fall love with Michael Moskovitz (which is still pretty damn exciting, let’s be honest), when suddenly someone in the U.K. thinks to herself, “Boy doesn’t know he’s a wizard, goes to wizard school.”
But there is so much time before the next book is released that I shrug and return to reading about humans.
OR SO I THINK. I quickly realize that seemingly regular humans can have magical powers too. For example, the power to FIT IN THE SAME PAIR OF PANTS AS HER THREE BEST FRIENDS! That has to be magic, right?
BUT THEN: It seems like people everywhere simultaneously realize that there’s something even better than humans who are magical: humans who are DEAD. It starts out slow, with ghosts. Imagine the possibilities. Specifically, imagine Jesse from the Mediator series. Mmmm.
Then I hear that there are some dead humans who are hotter than Jesse? Not possible, I say!
Ohhh. I see now.
VAMPIRES! Insanity ensues. TV, movies, books…they’re everywhere. Children get into the craze, so the phrase “vamped-out” is invented by adults. Though I secretly love Edward Cullen with a burning passion, I begin to tell people “I’m so over vampires.”
“What about the werewolves?” everyone says. No. Gross. Jacob Black. No. I don’t buy it. But then…what’s this? Shiver by Maggie Stiefvater? Sam? YES! I have seen the werewolf light! Ahhhooooo! Full moons every night!
But beyond Sam, they are still hairy. Eww.
So we turn back to where we started: humans. Except now I find the women I am from here on out hailing as AUTHOR GODS. I continue to worship at the Church of Meg Cabot, but pause to pay tribute to other gods, Megan McCafferty and Sarah Dessen. I vow to purchase every single book they write ever.
But, after awhile, these human boys seem too NICE.
Everyone must agree, because suddenly it’s all about fairies. Fairies aren’t nice. They are sneaky and will trick you into doing bad, bad things, but at least they usually do so in a very entertaining manner. Lesley Livingston and Melissa Marr and Aprilynne Pike can attest to this.
But the fairies are actually TOO naughty. So back to good guys? NO! Even BETTER than good guys…ANGELS.
And then I start blogging because I need to talk to someone about these fairies and vampires and angels…OH MY!
A blogger advises me to read Shade by Jeri Smith-Ready and I am like “Wha? Back to ghosts? MY EMOTIONS ARE TORN!” But then I realize hers were really very HUMAN ghosts so maybe I am just fooling myself.
And because sometimes it’s just nice to read about real(ish) people. The end.
Well, for now. Because I haven’t even gotten to MERMAIDS yet, people! Watch out.
You’ve been warned.